Well today was an interesting day. The reviews that will be carried here today are for THE FULL MONTY and UP IN SMOKE. Two very fun movies. But as usual, I have to fill you in on what happened to me, to set the ol head geek for these two films.
Woke up and had to drive to "do lunch" with the director of films for the AUSTIN FILM FESTIVAL. Ya see, I called them up seeing if it would be possible for a measley little lardass like myself could get a free ticket for the whole shabang they'll be throwing here in Austin at the first part of October. I mean, seriously, they are bringing in a butt load of screenwriters, plus Oliver Stone and Dennis Hopper. That's DENNIS HOPPER maaaaaaaaaaaaan, I gotta go!!! Problem is, empty coffers. It sucks. But this nice fella says, t'aint no problem at all, says, "Let's do Lunch," so I went to do lunch.
First off, I thought I knew where I was going, you see, he said, "We are located at..." "OH NOOOOOO, I know where yall are, no problem, meet you there." I said. Uh huh, first clue McFly, always get a confirmation of location. Because Doogie Howser here, ended up feeding Mr. Quarter Eater 3 shiny confession cookies, only to find that I was at the law offices of Janet Stockard and that the Film Festival was "elsewhere".
So then I head to a phone, I call 411, and get there number, then I call, only to realize I don't know who to ask for. I remember our conversation, but I haven't a damn clue who the hell to ask for. Beads of sweat form on my head, though it was probably on account of the 97 degree temperature with 65% humidity. This guy answers the phone, asks me who I want to talk to, "Ummm, he is like in charge of things or something," I say, WOW, what NASA could do with me! "Is his name, __________?" "Ummmmm, No, he moved here from New York," see I pay attention to conversations!!! Then the next thing I know, my guy picks up the phone. Relief pours into my brain cavity, where usually a brain resides.
He gives me directions, warns me about parking, and off I go. I get there, and go in, and like people know who I am. This is a eerie feeling, you see this office has all these cool film people, scheduling features for a festival, bringing movies to the masses, and yet they know me. That's scary. This nice dog comes up, begins sniffing me, likes me, and starts following me around the place. By the way, there are like SCRIPTS everywhere. My brain went into overload as I began scanning the sides of all these billions of scripts, which have number sequences. It was like the script concentration camp. All lined up via numbers sitting there waiting for survival or disposal. A frightening and scary sight. All those dreams, stories, and only one wins. Weird.
Then I meet the DUDE, the "Do Lunch" guy. He shows me (cue angelic music)"THE BOARD!!!" This magical note attacher is the film scheduling board, covered with scribblings and x-ings outs, and additions, and name changes, etc. Films like SPACE TRUCKERS, U-TURN, WHAT'S UP DOC, MIDNIGHT EXPRESS, EASY RIDER and many others. You see the fest has competition films and non-competition films. Unfortunately I don't know much about the competition films so far.
I meet about a dozen people, all enthuse about the site and what I do. FRIGHTENING. Then "The Man" and I head off to "Do Lunch" and feed my parking meter. I hate these new electronic parking meters, I wonder if you can erase their memories with a magnet. Hmmmmmmmm. Anyway, we head off to this place called BERTRAM'S, a real nice joint, has a guy in a suit sit you at your table, of course I'm in jeans and a t-shirt, so I fit right in!!!
Having only $10 in my pocket I order a cheap thing (Mushroom Quesadillas) and he orders SEVICHE (yuck I hate Seviche!!!), we eat chips and hot sauce and drink Herbal Ice Tea, and talk films. Over the next hour I hear of the diabolical plan to have me be the final judge for the AUSTIN FILM FESTIVAL. In my brain, I'm thinking, "MY GOD, THEY'RE ALL BONKERS!!!" I mean seriously, putting me in charge of choosing "the winner" is hysterical. Then I'm suppose to introduce my top two to the big screening at the grand 100+ year old PARAMOUNT theater to a crowd of about 2000. Hahahahahahahahahahaha, oh boooooy, wait'll they get a load of me!!!
I accept, I mean seriously how could I say no, I'm the biggest ham in the world, and the chance to screw up in front of an industry crowd is just too good to pass up. This'll be a blast. We finish up eating, and the next thing I know, he pulls out his AMERICAN EXPRESS card and pays for it all. AWWWWWWWWWWWW, MAAAAAAAAAN!! Oh well now when someone says, "DO LUNCH" I'll understand that they are paying. Another life lesson learned. By the way this conversation was filled with PLAYER-esque moments, as congratulatory statements were hurled in either direction.
Then we walk back talking about the inadequacies of the Batman franchise. Ahhhhh, the classics...
Well, we parted ways, and agreed to a Monday meeting where I'll receive the movies, I am to judge. Cooooool. I pick up Dad, and we head out to the ARBOR CINEMA, and Act III theater. Really large screens, crappy seats, and cool lobby decor. They have these clouds floating above. Really fake ones, that make thunder noises and light up from time to time.
Sure enough there are LINE PEOPLE there already, two and a half hours before the start of THE FULL MONTY. The conversation in line focused on what strange food fetishes and phobias we had. For example: This person claiming to be human refuses to eat the ends of pickles. Why? Because she never ate the end of a pickle before. Does she like pickles? Yes, but she only eats the part between the ends. She needs mental help.
Then a ticket boy brings me a ticket stub with Glen's (the coaxial news dude) phone number. He has never done that before, I figure it must be an emergency. He calls to tell me that a dude at Entertainment Weekly is searching for me to do a quick interview to meet his deadline for tonight. Damn. Glen goes away, and a few minutes go by and this Entertainment Weekly guy calls the pay phone inside the theater, while I'm standing in line, and does the interview. The LINE PEOPLE stare at me. They are looking at the phone in disdain. You see, a movie theater is a temple that should not be violated for crass interviews, emergency or no. Sacred ground.
I wrap up the interview and RoRo the Kull Hater arrives. Then quickly we are ushered into the theater. To find FULL MONTY cassettes in our seats and flyers. Well, as all true film geeks know, flyers are meant to be turned into paper airplanes, so we do, and we throw. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnn!!!!
The Fox Searchlight Girl comes out and does some FULL MONTY related trivia to give out the CDs and then the radio dudes come out talking about the money milking cow of theirs, then the Chronicle lady comes out to do her spiel.
Then the trailers.
ICE STORM: As I said yesterday, a horrible trailer that made me not want to see the film. Looks bad, might be brilliant, but the trailer isn't.
GREAT EXPECTATIONS: Ethan Hawke and Gweneth Paltrow and Robert DeNiro. I love the sound and the motion of the trailer. Hypnotic. Cool. Enticing. Might be a crappy movie, but the trailer made me want to know more.
Then FULL MONTY started.
This is a F-U-N movie. What can I say about it? Well, it has to do with a group of guys that want to possibly be male strippers. Oh yeah, and they don't look anything like Chippendales. I sympathized with the fat guy, right off. The line, "Yeah but they don't make any anti-fat bastard creme do they?!?!?"
The film has a strange, almost skittish feel to it. I don't know, but these characters felt sooooo honest. So right, that I felt myself falling into the story, while laughing at these pathetic schmucks, that reminded me of the pathetic schmuck who is writing this review. Lots of full audience laughs, and some seriously screwed up life scenes. In particular the guy from Trainspotting and his kid on screen, have some fantastic scenes.
Knowing that I was going to see UP IN SMOKE later in the evening, this was doing a damn good job of priming me for that deviant social behavior comedy. The group of 6 guys work together very well, and you believe there reasons for doing the things they do. I liked this film, I loved the characters, and I'll see it again, if only because my sister desperately needs to see this one, she'll love it. I can say that the attractive young lady next to me seemed to be quite turned on by one of the gents during a particular scene, and in that "I've got the hots" kinda way said, "Oh My!!!" and smiled real big. This of course caused me to giggle, there by shaking the entire row I was sitting on.
RoRo liked it, he didn't think he would. The concept of a male stripper movie bared no interest at all for him, but the film is about so much more than the gimmick. It has to do with living above your means, honesty in a relationship, how to deal with the responsibility of being a father without custody, friendship, latent homosexuality (but not overtly) and living in an industrial town without industrial jobs anymore. It's a good movie, not great, but alot (yes, I know) fun!!!
Then Dad, RoRo and myself ventured to the ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE to see UP IN SMOKE, Cheech & Chong's debut film. The whole drive down, I'm doing the guitar riffs from "LOOOOWWWW RIIIIIIDERRRRR..." A truly killer cool song.
We enter the theater and find out about a mysterious "HERB PIZZA" made especially for the screenings of UP IN SMOKE for a mere $5. Man, mysterious "HERB PIZZA" sounded good to me, so I order one to eat while watching Cheech and Chong's smoke-a- thon!!!
The whole time we are waiting the soundtrack to FROM DUSK TILL DAWN is playing, and when Cheech does his, "PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY" speech everyone screams along as perverse joys of coolness fly out of the theater.
Then the trailers begin:
ROLLER BOOGIE starring Linda Blair. This film is 50 times scarier than SKATE TOWN USA!!! Fancy roller skating to disco rhythms. Coolness. The amount of talent in this feature is so unbelievably scary, that I can barely say it. Wow!
THE GONG SHOW MOVIE - ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Help! Help! Let me out of the theater. The scariest double bill of trailers in a long time.
Then UP IN SMOKE.
This film screams coolness. I mean seriously, after eating a mysterious "HERB PIZZA" and smelling the breath of the ... sober... well mannered.... who all looked like they fully understood the charm of making, cause they had the smoke mouth bit down pat.
The scary part was so many people in the room knew all the lines to the film Of course any film with Cheech and Chong, Tom Skerritt and Rainbeaux Smith should always be considered a quasi religious experience.
This film actually made me remember why I hate NANCY REAGAN. She broke up the drugged duo, with her rhetoric of "JUST SAY NO" Bah Humbug, I don't advocate drug use, but I don't like the idea of politicians telling film makers and comedians what their material should or should not be. Plus having been raised on Gilbert Shelton's Wonder Warthogs, Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers and Forty Year Old Hippy, I love this type of film, and would love to make a Fabulous Furry Freak Brother film someday. A great fun project.
The audience would sing, chant, repeat lines, yell at the screen, and got more and more smashed. IT WAS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE!!! You know you have the right crowd when the Ajax sniffing girl makes her noise and faces, and a row of girls behind ya, imitate them. Or when the weird chick does her orgasm screw sounds, the same girls started their orgasm sounds. Wow it was like it was digitally mastered. Coool!!!
If you ever have a chance to see UP IN SMOKE take it. It's a hilarious movie, with a great comedy team at their best. Heeeeeeeeeeeeey, Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, I'm serious.
