Well here's the review for TOMORROW NEVER DIES, but as usual I'm going to establish where the heck my head was at when I saw it, and I won't be dealing in spoilers, so feel free to read without that fear of ruining your film. In quick, I feel this is the best Bond film since ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE, of course there maybe some people that think TND is the best Bond ever, and others may hate it.

Ok here we go. Monday of this week I was to see Tomorrow Never Dies. I have been dying to see this film, since I was leaked some rather cool footage of the film, and had been coniving to gather up as many of my friends as possible to go with me. And I had planned to get plenty of rest for Operation Bond. However...

0830 hours

I had been asleep for only 2 hours when I first hear the phone ring. I listen from the land of sleepy at the answering machine. "Hellooo, this is (omitted to protect the integrity of reporter) speaking on the phone..." the voice drifts off into that Charlie Brown teacher voice "Waaa wa waaa wa wa waaa waaaaaaaaaaaa". I know it is the French television guy, who has flown from Paris to interview me, but I can do that interview at 1300 hours as I planned, I figure in my unconcious state.

1030 hours

The phone begins ringing again. I was having lovely dreams about Ruby Keeler falling for the Guy Kibbee character in Gold Diggers of 1933, except I was playing the Guy Kibbee role. When this infernal ringing interupts our rendition of Honeymoon Hotel. I hear the lovingly annoying voice of Glen (yes the Coaxial guy) saying, "Haaaie aaaaiieeeerrrrrryyyyyyyy, waaaaaahaahahahaake uuuuuuuuup! Waaaake uppp wake up wake up Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, wake up. HARRY!!!! W-A-K-E U-P!!!!" For 3 continual answering machine messages his droningly annoying voice is keeping me from my beloved's dream inspired hallucinatory grasps. Then Glen says, "OOOOOOOOKKKKKKKK, weeelllll it looks like you won't be going on an all expense paid trip to LAAAAA...." CLICK

"Yeah whaddya want Glen," I inquire in my GROGGY VOICE (NOTE: this sounds like my ALERT VOICE and my SENSITIVE VOICE).

Glen then weaves this tale about how some French dude named (Same name omission for same reason) called him to set up my interview later in the day. Glen told him that I was often times unavailable in the early morning due to my ummmm business dealings, but that he would attempt to set it up for French Dude to interview me around 1pm or so. Glen then says that the French Dude asks for instructions from his hotel in DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES to my house.

Glen then says that it's about a 1500 mile trip. He says the French Dude then stammers. Glen then explains that I live in AUSTIN.... TEXAS. The French guy asks Glen if he is sure. Glen looks out his window and says, "Looks like Austin to me." Glen says that the French Dude thinks that Austintexas (one word) was a suburb of Los Angeles. (HARRY NOTE: I am in hysterics semi awake in bed, dumbstruck by this development) The nameless Frenchman wants me to fly to Los Angeles to do the interview this Thursday. I CAN'T!!! I'm busy, he wants me to go Friday, Saturday even. I'm busy. I can't go. Monday was my only open slot. Then I remember my original discussion with this fella, and I recall him asking me what else was going on in Austin. I had told him about Richard Linklater, Robert Rodriguez, Mike Judge, etc etc. But apparently this all shot over his head.

I tell Glen to take care of it, cause I was going back to sleep.

1100 hours

Glen calls back with the French Dude wanting to "negotiate" with him about acquiring Harry Knowles, to which Glen had responded with, "I had no idea this was a terrorist activity." BRILLIANT RESPONSE I exclaim in laughter. This is why Glen is the coolest. Glen deftly handled the situation for hours this day. Meanwhile I was recovering from an updating frenzy. And arranging for everyone getting into seeing Tomorrow Never Dies.

During the course of the day, I managed to link together with my network of spys: Geek #2, RoboGeek, and Copernicus to get passes good for 10 people to see Bond in action. The plan was going off without a hitch. I was scheduling people to attend, and I was doing a damn good job of it too.

Then in the second half of the day, the people wanting to attend decided to cancel for weird reasons: RODAN had to break up with his girlfriend, LOBO had to go to his mother's birthday, one person even had menstrual problems. None of those are valid excuses to skip out on a Bond film. Octopussy maybe, but damn man, this was a Bond film with MICHELLE YEOH!!!! Ya have to go. Then I hear tale of a Bond Party I've been invited to, being thrown by SMIRNOFF VODKA after the film. huh huh huhhhh coooooooooool.

My father and I gather up my sister from her school, and grab the nastiest tacos in the world and hamburgers to match, then we head to the theater.

This was playing at the LINCOLN THEATER here in Austin, and as I arrive in line, there... in place... as always are THE LINE PEOPLE!!! There they were, already in place two and a half hours early. You can set your watch by it. About half of them were abuzz about a TITANIC SCREENING some of them saw while I was at the screening of SCREAM 2.

Then the theater manager shows up, and lo and behold, the theater manager at the LINCOLN is now a former LINE PERSON!!! Wow, one of us graduated from being a Line Person (the highest ranking of an audience member) to being THE MAN. That's right, an actual MANager.

I will refer to this former Line Person as THE MAN from here on out. THE MAN took me up into the sacred facilities, the projecting rooms. Where I took a look at the almighty platter system of projecting, and the SDDS and SDS and DOLBY DIGITAL control systems. It was amazing. Then I saw the actual print of TOMORROW NEVER DIES, it was set to go on the projector for the largest screen in Austin!!! YES!!! Then THE MAN says that MGM didn't send the CDs for the Digital Sound so all we get to hear is the optical sound. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

(MY RANT)

Ok, what sort of idiot involved with promotions sends out a print of a film to be screened for critics, and fans, that is less than it could be. I mean, Digital Sound adds ALOT to an action film!!! It adds that OOMPH!!! that the explosions, bullets, etc need. The sound was flat, everything just from a single source! YUCK!!! This is the most important screening for you. The local critic can now say stuff like "the film lacked the energy and power of..." and that could be just from a lousy sound , which the film DOES NOT HAVE, but it does now thanks to some idiot who decides it's a 'free' screening. Don't you realize that the people seeing THIS screening tell MILLIONS whether or not to see the film. Now I was aware of the problem, but other critics were not, they just assumed your film had a lousy sound mix. And this wasn't the theater's fault it was some stupid policy of the studios according to my informants.

(END OF RANT)

NOW FOR THE REVIEW!!!

They showed a trailer for MAN IN THE IRON MASK, which I'm dying to see. I think this has one of the best casts in a long long time. And I really hope Randal Wallace can make the transition from screenwriter to director. I've been dying to hear about test screenings of this pic, but none have reached my ears as of yet. The project looks perfect to me.

Then they showed a trailer for SPECIES 2... YAWN... then hey cool creature.

Then the film began.

First off let me say I really liked this film, after GOLDENEYE this is a big damn leap in the right direction. But whoever decided to allow that HORRIBLE Sheryl Crow song to be in the opening titles should be shot. It is nasty. yuck yuck yuck. And then to add insult to injury, they go and put a wonderful Bond song at the end of the film sung by K.D.Lang. This song has hints of the soundtrack and Bond music, and it ties in throughout the film. OH, and it has TOMORROW NEVER DIES in it's theme. Personally though I would have liked a David Arnold instrumental opening with a song somewhere in the film, kinda like the way they handled the Louis Armstrong song in ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE.

Brosnan is far better this time out, he looks comfortable as Bond. In Goldeneye, I felt he was trying to prove something, but here he just seems to BE Bond. My favorite scene of his in the film is during the sequence involving THE car. Watch his face, he is having a blast. A grin forming on it like a child stuck in the backseat of a Snowspeeder. This look of elation went real far for me. Meanwhile the way he handles another scene back in his hotel room (a tense scene) was fantastic.

HOWEVER, this film BELONGS to Michelle Yeoh. This is one of those films where one person shines above all others so brightly, that you will sometimes resent the fact that this is suppose to be Brosnan's flick, and not hers. I'd like to formally state that I don't have a "thing" for Michelle, I don't look at her in magazines and drool. But she is the whole package here. She moves like a movie god. Her presence is amazing, and I found myself constantly intoxicated by what she was doing. She fights better than Bond, she quips better, and she looks better. And that ain't the way it's suppose to be in a Bond film. If MGM had an ounce of sense, they'd spin this character off. I'd pay to see the adventures of the communist femme fatale played by Michelle Yeoh. You bet. And so would you. I mean this woman puts Modesty Blaise in her place, and goes a long ways toward catching up to BARBARELLA, who at the time is the goddess of cool action. She is definately the best of the BOND heroines. Now I would still rather go to bed with Agent Triple X (Barbara Bach) but I'd rather see movies starring Michelle Yeoh's character.

The gadgets are cool. Unlike GOLDENEYE where they hype up the new super Bond car, only to have it drive unbothered down a stretch of road, here we have a Bond car kick ass. The only problem I have with the car is it's total lack of cool stylings. I mean this car is DULL looking (not what it does, but it's appearance). It looks like a Yuppie mobile, and doesn't look 'sexy' like the Aston Martin, or that Sub-car or a Bentley. I like Bond's cars to not only do something, but to have an aura of coolness from the get go. Now one of the above mentioned cars makes a guest appearance and boy oh boy, did I get a rush from it!!! Let's face it, you all would have preferred to of seen the (classic Bond) car do the stuff that stuffy BMW does. I know I would. That being said, this Bond film does do the right thing in concern to the other gadgets. It doesn't OVERPLAY them like the Roger Moore films, and it doesn't have the typical Q goofy tour of Q headquarters, which I think would be the coolest tour (not counting the Ackermansion) that one could ever go through.

"Ok listen up Mr Knowles" Aaaaaaaaaaaah, James Bond land would be the coolest. Just imagine an Amusement Park with 18 different 'worlds'. Draco Space shuttle rides, the Goldfinger "Knock Off Ft Knox Stunt Spectacular", the VOLCANO set from You Only Live Twice. The whirlybird simulation ride from YOLT, or the Underwater car ride from THE SPY WHO LOVED ME, it would kick the Disney Nautilus ride's ass. Then you could have BOND BABE BAR where girls dressed as Domino, Pussy Galore, Dr Good Head, Honey Ryder would be available for lap dances and serving drinks. You know you would buy that for a dollar!! Or even $50. The gambling rights alone, the Monte Carlo area, the Man With A Golden Gun Shooting Gallery, come on, the Oddjob Hat Toss, and the JAWS ride would kill Universal's lame Jaws Tram ride. Oops sorry I digressed badly, anyway back to the review...

Geez, I'm finding it hard to write about the film, now that I have JAMES BOND LAND on the noggin, but I'll try.

I only have a couple of problems with this Bond film, and it is what keeps it from being FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE or GOLDFINGER or THUNDERBALL. Although, Brosnan and Yeoh are as good as any Bond and Girl duo (if not better) their opposite numbers just don't tally up. Jonathon Pryce is too into being evil, kinda like Dr Evil in Austin Powers earlier this year. Goldfinger would not "BE EVIL" it was simply a by- product of his business plans. He was doing what was right for his pocket book. Telly Savalas in ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE was a very very evil person, BUT he thought he was the good guy, and would try to be as powerful, but normal as possible. That's what makes them scary. Hannibal Lector is scary, cause we find ourselves like Clarice trusting him, but when he does his little opera with the guards, we get the true look at evil. Pryce comes dangerously close to being a Schumacherian-villian. Not quite, but a little too " I'M SOOOOOOOOOOO EVIL, AREN'T I EVIIIILLLLLLLLLL" for me.

And the other problem I have is the Bad Guy's head goon. He's just an ugly looking big lug. I think it's time to retire the BIG LUG HENCHMEN and get someone who is SMART like Robert Shaw in From Russia With Love. Get a kickass action guy like Jet Li to kick Bond's ass, and make us genuinely afraid for his life. I mean, I know Bond can kill big lugs, they're stupid, and Bond is smart. But I like it when you have a Henchman who is even smarter than the guy he is working for, and plans on eventually taking his place, right after he kills Bond and the evil dude he works for takes over the world. These two bad guys felt a bit like a humanized Pinky and the Brain. And I'm not afraid of Lab Mice.

Overall, I'll see TOMORROW NEVER DIES at least 2 more times, I'll get it in widescreen when it comes out, and I will own the score by David Arnold and program out the Sheryl Crow number when I play it. I would never buy a toy of that ugly BMW. And I'll add the title sequence (sans the Sheryl Crow song which I'll dub the K.D.Lang song over) to my tape of opening Bond Title Sequences which sometimes keep me awake while typing this stuff. BY THE WAY.... MGM if you are listening it might be a good idea to release a collection of the opening titles right about now. I mean 18 of them at an average of 4 to 5 minutes comes to a full tape, and I know I'd buy it if it came in WIDESCREEN format.

Go see TITANIC this weekend. I am, I'll see this during the week next week. TITANIC TITANIC, and only if TITANIC is sold out, go buy your ticket for TOMORROW NEVER DIES. Yeah that's the ticket, yeah!!!